But if you don’t say it, or don’t mean it, it can leave a lasting impact on the relationship. Like a wound that won’t heal.
I remember someone once apologising to me for their poor behaviour, and as part of the apology said “next time I do it, just…” Next time? It didn’t sound like a genuine apology and I never really felt particularly comfortable around that person as a result.
So a sorry really has to be heartfelt and genuine, otherwise best to say nothing, right?
Right?
Perhaps what’s even harder than an apology is keeping the lines of communication open. When we feel we deserve an apology from someone, or know that we are sorry for something we did, it’s important to talk about it. To explain as best we can how we’re feeling now, how we felt when we were in the heat of the disagreement, what triggered our response, asking for what we need from the other person, listening to the other person in order to understand their perspective better, and being forgiving and compassionate.
Avoidance solves nothing.
Blaming solves nothing.
Standing your ground and refusing to budge from your perspective solves nothing.
These days you only have to watch a news broadcast for 20 minutes to know that avoidance, blame and rigid stubbornness are rife.
And not solving anything.
By keeping lines of communication open we invite in the opportunity to learn something new, to understand someone better, to develop stronger connection and trust, to come up with a better way forward, and to grow.
If that’s what a genuine ‘sorry’ can lead to, isn’t it worth putting aside anger, hurt and blame for just a moment to allow curiosity in?
After all, none of us is perfect, we are sometimes clumsy and thoughtless in how we speak, and we all deserve an opportunity to put that right.
This is true whether a personal relationship or a work one. We all need healthy connections in our lives, and if it’s lacking in one area it niggles, and that niggle can grow into resentment, bitterness and contempt. It breaks any connection and destroys trust.
Relationships don’t survive that if we don’t make the effort to mend them.
A bit of bravery to speak up, to put things on better ground, goes a long way.
I think the world we live in today needs us all to be a little bit more brave.
