Easier said than done, at times. Sometimes it can be really hard to find the words to express ourselves and in a way that doesn’t get badly misinterpreted. And sometimes, we hold back from saying what we really mean, or what we really think.
Why is that? Perhaps we’re worried about offending someone, or fear retaliation, or we just want to keep the peace? So we appease, hold back on what we really want to say, or what really needs to be said.
I remember times not speaking up for fear of retaliation, rejection, or ridicule. And when I did speak, words didn’t always come out as intended or sound the same as they did in my head. I’d get raised eyebrows and no chance to try again. Other colleagues were dealing with the same fears – to speak or not to speak, how to say it – for the same reasons.
The problem is, if we don’t try then how do we get things out in the open, and if they aren’t in the open, how do we understand each other better, or come up with better ways to solve a problem? Is it better to let things remain unsaid, with resentment or other destructive feelings left bubbling under the surface, waiting to erupt?
To my mind there is one really key thing needed: psychological safety.
If we feel safe to speak up, that we won’t be ridiculed or rejected if we bumble our words, knowing that our colleagues or friends will still be interested and curious in what we have to say and will patiently wait while we gather our thoughts and try and string our words together, then we will speak.
If we know that what we have to say represents something that is trying to emerge within the team or group, and will be received with curiosity and gratitude rather than defensiveness or hostility, then we will speak.
Words are powerful, even if they do come out a bit wrong. What is important is to be curious about the intent behind the words, to look deeper, and not judge whether the words are perfect and dismiss them if they aren’t.
When a team starts working together, I wonder what that journey could be like if they actively and consciously contracted together what they want that team to stand for?
To imperfectly get it all out in the open, knowing that the intent from everyone is to build a stronger, trusting, more innovative, collaborative, co-operative and aligned team. One where you’re expected to be you. Where you hold yourself and others accountable. Where you all learn, teach and grow. Where no-one fears.
That’s the change I want to help bring about in teams.
What sort of team are you a part of, or have been a part of in the past? What would you say now, that you haven’t said before? Even if the words are wonky.
