I once had a boss who suggested I “tone it down”. When I asked what was meant by that, I was given a vague response that amounted to me being ‘too vocal’. About what? To who? No specifics were given.
Was this just a tactic to try and shame me into shutting up? But why? I wasn’t in the habit of interrupting others. I listened to people with interest, to their perspective, their context, to learn, to see the bigger picture. And I had a perspective of my own. Sometimes it would evolve, other times it didn’t. My context for speaking up was so that as a team we could share, learn and grow. I was honest, I called a spade a spade, and mine was one voice amongst many.
I once had another boss who said to me “You think differently to the others [on the team]. It’s good.” I felt seen, understood and accepted for being me and I appreciated him for what he said to me.
Another boss I had I would still rank as my ‘best boss ever’. I learned more working for this person than any other boss I’ve ever had. I felt supported, trusted, I trusted and respected this person. I felt like my opinion mattered, even if it was wrong. I grew as a person and developed my style as a leader through their lived example. We laughed together, at times we almost cried together. It was an epic journey for me, working with this person, a flipping hard one due to the nature of the work, and I loved it and I worked my butt off.
It is not a cliché or an over-statement to say that with leadership comes great responsibility. Never doubt that every boss creates the impact they have. Leadership is not about a fancy title. Leadership is not about dangling power over others.
Our most important responsibility as leaders of others is to first be responsible for ourselves and our own attitude, behaviours and actions. If we can’t lead ourselves effectively by addressing our own discomforts, our own narrative, our tendency to project our own fears onto others, or our lack of curiosity, then how can we hold that great responsibility of leadership of others in our hands with integrity and commitment? How can we lead in a way that leaves a positive impact for years to come? What right does anyone have to lead if they just don’t care? Or won’t learn?
For me, I would love to live in a world where leaders want to do their own hard work to develop their self-awareness, grow their emotional intelligence, and to care beyond themselves. Where they really FEEL the responsibility they have, where they genuinely care about their people and strive everyday to be proud of their positive impact. To develop, not destroy. If you’re someone’s boss and you’re not up for that, that’s okay, that’s your choice, but please step away before you cause more damage.
Get in touch if you’re willing to get stuck into the hard work. I would cherish the responsibility of working with you to become the best leader you can be – of yourself first, and then others.
