The rainy season is upon us, and there’s been plenty of it recently. And it got me thinking about a quote from Charlie Chaplin: ‘I love walking in the rain because no-one can see my tears.”
It’s a quote that tugs at my heart strings.
Simply because tears aren’t something that should be hidden.
Tears are a sign that we are feeling something. It could be pain, sadness, fear or frustration. Sometimes even joy or relief!
I remember an ex-colleague once saying that someone on their team wasn’t doing their job well because they cried a lot. I was immediately curious. “What are they crying about, do you think?” I asked, but my colleague didn’t know.
So I shared my perspective on the person in question, which was that they were extremely diligent with their work, took pride in doing it well, was well respected by their peers, always reliable, funny and kind.
I also said to my colleague that tears are just an expression of emotion, and perhaps getting curious about what’s behind the tears might give them the opportunity to learn something new about the person, and that our discomfort of another person’s tears perhaps said more about us than this person.
What I also knew about this particular person was that they suffered from perfectionism, an impossibly high standard to hold ourselves to, and at times felt unheard, under-appreciated and misunderstood, all of which fueled their feelings of not being good enough.
We often hear it said in organisations “we want everyone to bring their full selves to work.”
Which is great! And it also means that people bring all their perfect imperfections with them, including their thoughts and emotions of what’s going on with them personally.
If we try and park a part of ourselves at the entrance door, then we aren’t showing up as our full selves.
What we bring inside is but a self-stifling facade to keep others comfortable.
Charlie also famously said “Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it’s breaking.”
So, next time you’re thinking someone is too ‘this’, or not enough ‘that’, try in stead to dial up your curiosity and get to know the person. It will help to keep you out of judgment and who knows, you may even discover this person’s hidden talents, unspoken ideas, or their hopes and dreams.
Or what’s breaking their heart.
Your curiosity may result in more tears, but perhaps this time it will be tears of relief and release.
I guess Mr Chaplin felt the pressure to always be funny, to bring joy and laughter to others whilst masking the psychological and emotional after-effects of his own dysfunctional childhood.
Which, perhaps, was why he could only cry in the rain.
I can’t help but wonder if he was watched on film by so many, and yet perhaps never truly seen.
I hope you have a week of being seen, and of seeing others. Tears and all.
