Someone close to me is going through a tough time at the moment with severe back pain. She’s an A&E nurse, and it’s impacting her ability to work.
Typically she’s really stoic, never complains, and is still 100% committed to her work after nearly 40 years of taking care of others on what is often the worst day of their lives.
But physically, and mentally, she’s struggling. And she doesn’t like her patients noticing her pain.
She’s been to a number of doctors, and something she said to me this week really stood out.
One doctor she saw, an ortho surgeon, said things like “there’s nothing I can do”, “what do you want me to do?”, and was scathing when he was told by her employer that she’s now been put on a 6 month health ‘sabbatical’ so she can get help. “But she was at work last night,” he ranted, “Why does she need to be booked off for 6 months?” They explained that she can hardly walk, and that while she was turning up for work, she was clearly not able to do the job fully, putting herself and others at greater risk. This doctor was asked by the employer to write a report on her condition for insurance purposes, which he initially refused to do. He has since begrudgingly said he will.
There was, she felt, a real absence of empathy and support. She felt dismissed by this doctor and somewhat abandoned in terms of next steps.
So last week she went to see another doc, a neurosurgeon. And this doctor’s first comment was “You should have been here months ago, I’m so glad you’re here now.” And she left this doctor’s room with an agreed plan of action.
The difference between the two experiences for her? She felt calmer after seeing the second doctor because there is now a plan to manage the pain, with new meds (the old meds were clearly having no effect) and other non-invasive treatment options agreed.
She also felt heard.
In terms of her mental health throughout this ordeal, she has gone from thinking she alone needs to just ‘battle on’, to now feeling like she has the support of her employer and the support of a highly respected and capable neurosurgeon, and is no longer alone with her pain.
She feels relief.
Being heard makes all the difference. 💚
