I was chatting to a good friend recently, about the difference between competence, confidence and arrogance.
This was on the back of me attending a recent event where I said I felt confident talking about a particular topic, after we were asked by the facilitator how confident we felt, and someone else in the room immediately launched into a comment about there being a fine line between confidence and arrogance.
I didn’t disagree, but I did wonder if this person was trying to suggest I was being negatively arrogant for saying I felt confident.
Competence can take years to build, in fact requires ongoing learning and attention as rules, technology, protocols and good practices change around us.
And competence requires action – converting what you’ve learned into competent action.
It also requires the ability to reflect inwards, to be observant of ourself and the environment we’re in, to learn and grow our own self-awareness so that we can self-regulate, understand our impact, make considered choices, and respond without regret.
I’ve posted about ‘confidence’ before, but for me confidence comes as a result of competence. Something that is earned, and that you also hold with humility.
Confidence that hasn’t been earned through developing your competence on multiple fronts is often referred to as arrogance, and seen as something negative.
Negative arrogance often shows up as, amongst other things, exaggerating your competence, not being open to admitting you might be wrong, and domineering or conceited behaviours.
Confidence and arrogance can often be mistaken for the other. It reminds me of the saying ‘one man’s rubbish is another person’s treasure’. Because it all comes down to perspective, and possibly even being too quick to judge.
If you looked at arrogance with an openness and curiousity, you might see something different, more positive: perhaps a strong person living their life on their terms? Perhaps someone who really gets things done where others have struggled or stayed passive? Perhaps someone who is just breaking stereotypes and it puts you outside of your comfort zone? Or perhaps someone, like an athlete, who is renowned for being at the top of their game?
As long as a positively arrogant person still behaves with kindness to others, then their arrogance doesn’t need to be seen in a negative light. Think Muhammad Ali and ‘I am the greatest!’
As this person said, there IS a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and there’s often a fine line between judgement and curiosity too.
In my view, to feel genuinely confident, or positively arrogant, and to be perceived as such, you need to have done the work on yourself and your skills (human and hard), and to act with kindness and consideration.
Then you’ve earned the right, and the confidence, to ignore negative judgement, be yourself, and live life on your terms.
If you feel like you want to build your competence and confidence, then get in touch! You can contact me via the Get In Touch page on this site, or book a free and confidential discovery call with me here: https://calendly.com/mountain_high/discovery-consultation
